We replaced that lame Ranma picture with Mr. Driller, and didn't bother to modify the width correctly, because when it involves Kleppe, it doesn't matter. But Driller's here, and we're ready to drill these fanfics right into the ground. Love!
What is Klepping? Klepping is the act of violently criticizing someone's work when they truly deserve it. Gary Kleppe is one of the worst writers(?) we've ever come across, and it's a shame that people don't seem to notice that. Apart from personally attacking his character, this page intends to show why fanfiction is a farce in general and, through literary terrorism, point out exactly why such things are garbage, because it seems to me that most fans of Japanese cartoons are too stuck up to think anything related to Japan can be bad. Most fanfiction sucks. They are usually collections of cliches or plots that spawn from a crappy central situation. Please E-mail us and let us know what you think of these kleppings. You can even flame us if you like. Be warned, however, that it had BETTER be a well-written flame. Klepping is not reserved for Gary alone.
Hearts and Minds is perhaps Gary's most prestigious work. We haven't kleppt (past tense of "kleppe") this series yet. It is long and boring and pointless, much like a conversation with Mr. Kleppe. We're saving it for last because it will be most enjoyable to tear apart what everyone considers to be one of the greatest fanfics of all time. And if you think we're heartless jerks who have some unreasonable vendetta against anime fandom, you couldn't be further from the truth. Our vendetta is quite reasonable. As for Kleppe's other fanfictions we've place them into four categories: long, drawn out crap, quick, cut-to-the-chase crap, other stuff Kleppe has written about Rumiko Takahashi's bland characters, and stories with co-authors who are just sick enough in the head to WANT to write something with Kleppe.
Gary Kleppe had a poll. Here's what we did to it.
If something is long enough, people will probably assume it is good. I believe that was the case with this piece of roadkill scraping. It was so long-winded and drawn out and, generally, stupid, that we could not bring ourselves to tackle it just yet, though we promise to sometime in the future. We'll be saving this tidbit for last.
Did I mention that he felt it necessary to make a series of nearly-as-long-winded preludes. He did. I'm sorry.
Oh, and these faggy pictures were done by someone named Ming. At some point we'll probably track down her work and Kleppe those as well.
| These are questions that Kleppe asked the readers to guess before reading the stories. Sorry. I don't MEAN to refer to them as "stories"...Anyway, these preludes are so bad that my brain caught fire before I could find my way through the twisting path of nonsense wherein the answers to these faggot questions lie. Still, we had our fun with this, too. | |
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Prelude 1: Kuno Tatewaki "Home" (52 kb) |
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Prelude 2: Kuonji Ukyo "Name and Likeness" (32 kb) |
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Prelude 3: Kuno Kodachi "The Contest" (37 kb) |
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Prelude 4: Hibiki Ryoga and Unryu Akari "The Gift" (38 kb). A version of this story won the first-ever Church of Ryoga Fanfic Competition. |
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Prelude 5: Tendo Akane "Something Old, Something New" (38 kb). |
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Prelude 6: Shan Pu "Bie Liao" (29 kb) |
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Prelude 7: Mu Si "Reflections" (31 kb) |
| Prelude 8: Hikaru Gosunkugi "Courage" (49 kb) | |
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Prelude 9: Tendo Kasumi and Tendo Nabiki "Someday" (54 kb) |
| Prelude 10: Saotome Ranma "Lili's Child" (84 kb) | |
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Here's a bonus pic featuring Tsubasa. Maybe there'll be a side-story associated with it... someday. |
Kleppe had a poll for readers where he asked them to tell him which of these mind-boggling loads of crap is "best". Here are the final results.
There is also A Different Faith. He wrote this story for the "Ranma Preludes," a multi-author project; but it also serves as a HaM side story, as it introduces characters and themes that will play a role in the main series.
The Preludes are followed by Hearts and Minds, in which the Ranma 1/2 crew fight to protect the Amazon village from deadly invaders. Ten chapters will be written; the following are currently available in draft form:
Bert Miller has written a HaM spoof in the same vein as Hiroshi and Daisuke's impromptu ending to Hearts of Ice (which can be found in the short fics section). Click here to read it, along with a response from H&D and myself.
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There Goes the Neighborhood is a crossover between three
of Rumiko Takahashi's manga series: Ranma 1/2, Maison Ikkoku, and the
Mermaid Saga. That's what we call "sad". Ranma moves in to Ikkoku under a false identity as bait to catch a toilet monster, and immediately forgets that that is his purpose as he goes out "mingling" with the other residents. Gary wrote this in script format. It sucks, and is not funny. Part 3 is very heavy on Pools of Horror (you'll understand). To the left, you'll find a picture of Morris and Ranma.
Genre: Mostly original-flavor comedy. Status: Complete.
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She Knows? Ranma thinks Akane knows that Ryoga is P-chan. He wakes up for a snack, ends up outside, talks to Gosunkugi and leaves. Gosunkugi climbs something. We think Ranma's snack looks something like the picture to the left. Genre: Pointless. Status: Unhappy.
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A Peaceful Life is the story of a young coloured boy struggling to find his place in the martial arts world where the man keeps bringin' him down. Genre: Racist
Status: Fuck dis' shit!
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Lost is a grim and gritty urban tale. One of the Ranma
1/2 regulars (not Ryoga) becomes seperated from the
others in a place far from home. A dark story but with a more or less
happy ending. Mature subject matter warning! Genre: Gritty,
serious urban drama. Status: Complete.
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Pools of Horror is the wildest tangent in the history of mankind. The entire Ranma cast must fight a demon, which defeats the military with ease because they stand there and take her raining hellfire head-on. Ranma's body is now possessed by a Chinese girl who is absolutely nothing like a Chinese girl from 1500 years ago would be. This is a bad thing, I guess, because everyone's convinced that Ranma can take out this demon with one hand tied behind his back, blindfolded, standing on his tongue, and balancing an egg on a spoon. Will the cast remember to fight the demon, or will they mourn their dead ancestors until it's too late? If so, who will care? Genre: Tangent Status: Mind-numbing.
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Megamisama, Masaka? A parody of Otaku Self-insertion fics. An anime fan is sent by a Goddess into the Ranma 1/2 universe, but things there don't quite go as planned. Genre: Comedy; Parody of "Otakufics". Status: Complete.
Cat's Prey (51 kb) Ranma is stuck in his "cat fist," and nothing Akane does seems to help him. Who or what is responsible, and is there anything she can do to save him? Genre: Dark/horror story. Status: Complete. Another author is working on a sequel.
Tangled Web (37 kb) Are things in Nerima what they seem? This story suggests that there are things going on behind the scenes that we don't know about. Genre: Not meant to be taken seriously. Status: Complete.
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I Dream of Ranma What if... Ranma had fallen into the
Spring of Drowned Genie? While in female form, any wish he hears is
fulfilled -- but all wishes are undone when he goes back into male form.
Genre: Mostly comedy. Status: In progress.
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The Ghost Prison (24 kb) A far future story. After Ranma and Akane have passed away, Ukyo finds herself at Jusenkyo. Genre: Serious. Status: Complete.
For a Dying Friend (54 kb) Ranma is stuck in female form, possibly for life. Is this the end of his relationship with Akane? And how will the other Nerimans react? Genre: Serious. Status: Draft.
Tenshi (42 kb) A shady character offers to help Ukyo eliminate her business competition -- but she has other ideas. Genre: Comedy. Status: Draft.
These are works that I finished in a few hours or so each. Many (but not all) of them are satirical. All are complete unless otherwise indicated.
Painful Revenge was my belated entry into the Fanfic Mailing List's collection of Revengefic stories. These all involve characters coming into the real world and taking revenge on fanfic authors for stories the characters didn't like being in. (13 kb)
Another Bad Crossover Idea is a short silly little thing. See if you can guess just what this is a crossover with before the end. (8 kb)
The Sign Gary writes a disclaimer...AGAIN!(4--9.3 kb)
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Ukyo is a song that Gary Kleppe mercilessly changed the lyrics of in order to suit his poor tastes. It's not even a good song to begin with. The band will be glad to know that he's made them look good in comparison. (2 kb--->7.25 kb fucksong) |
Ranma Is Dead is a humorous take-off on "death of a character" stories. Ranma is dead. What a shame. Oh well. What's for lunch? (11 kb, script) This fic is being adapted into an audioplay by Fanfic Radio Play Productions.
Barney Meets Azusa: Can you say short and silly? (1 kb, script)
The Bittern End: Something about a duck. (2--3.37 kb)
They Never Listen: A short comedy. Guess who's coming to Jusenkyo? (6 kb)
Akane the Psychotic Maniac: Another piece of trash, this one making fun, very badly, of the way Akane is characterized in some fics. (4--->6.92 kb)
Ukyo and Ryoga: This story sucks. It really sucks. We summarized it in a knock-knock joke. Apparently it won an award, but don't be impressed. It was called the Chicken Ball award. And how. (3--->15.4 kb)
The Right Choice: A silly little satirical thing. Will Ranma make the Right Choice? (7 kb, script)
How Not to Be Seen: It's revenge season again, the time when animanga characters do nasty things to fanfiction authors. Who will show up this time? (7 kb)
Waking Up: A Halloween story. Ranma awakens in one of the places that he'd least expect (or want) to be. (6 kb)
Bimbo: A short conversation between Shampoo and Mousse, inspired when barfed on a piece of paper and rooted in it until it formed words. (1--->2.9 kb)
Ranma and Friends: Ranma wants to grow a beard, but a dinosaur is trying to stop him. Stuffed animals get destroyed, and the English language is tortured on a rack. Sale or be saled. (10--19.4 kb)
The Lifeboat Sketch: Ranma and company re-enact a sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus. (2 kb)
I Can't: A serious story that takes a different look at why Ranma can't give up one of his unwanted fiancees. (6 kb)
Redhead: A silly thing in which Ranma notices something about his female self. (3 kb)
I Told You So: Kleppe tries to trick his readers, but he doesn't have any, so no one cares. (4--7.9 kb)
Ryoga Goes to New Jersey: The title says it all. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. (3--->7.62 kb)
Fanboy's Delight: The first (and hopefully last) time that I let my MSTing team, Hiroshi and Daisuke, write a fic of their own. (8 kb)
The Key: Another fic which needs no reading. (1--->2.11 kb)
Unusual Couple: Written to prove that no matter how original a character match-up is, the story might still suck. (4 kb)
The Fiancee Song: Sung to the tune of a certain little ditty about lumberjacks. Believe it or not, this one has nothing to do with cross-dressing or sex-changing. (2 kb)
Justice: With Ranma married to Akane, Ukyo travels to the legendary temple of the god of justice, asking that Ranma be forced to fulfill a promise. (8 kb)
Hiroshi and Daisuke Finish Hearts of Ice: On April Fools day, the Horny Duo try to write a conclusion to Krista Perry's popular series. (8 kb)
Moving On: With Ranma married to Akane, Ukyo decides it's time to move on. (5 kb)
The Conspiracy: Many fics have postulated a connection between Anime-Ranma and Lina Inverse from Slayers. But does it end there? (4 kb)
LCD: Due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, Hiroshi and Daisuke are at it once more. This time, they set out to write a fanservice fic. (8 kb)
The Cooking Lesson: Once again, Akane can't cook, and Gary Kleppe decides to examine this in the form of writing he has perfected: the stupid (usually unquenchable) joke. (5--->9.21 kb)
A Vampire In Nerima: The Nekohanten is stalked by that most fearsome of undead creatures. AH! AH! AH! Will Cologne come up with a plan to defeat it? Will Shampoo be able to drag her away from the television long enough to put it into effect?
Ranma Makes a Decision: Ranma goes on a pointless killing spree.
Ryoga's Demon: A short (and serious) character piece; an "hour challenge" that, for once, I was actually able to finish in an hour.
Dream Girls is an Urusei Yatsura story. It's short and dark, definitely not a comedy. Who is Lum, and what does she really want with Ataru? Offers some very unusual answers to these questions. Genre: Dark. Status: Complete (I guess; I have no current plans to change or continue it). (5 kb)
Invisible Shadows: An Inu-Yasha "story". It's like eating granite. Years after her adventures in the series, Kagome is locked up in an institute for the criminally insane. Because of a societal quirk, Gary Kleppe is allowed to run free. Explain that.
I enjoy getting together with other authors to work on fanfiction. Here are the results so far.
Quest For the Silly Spamfic is a collaboration between myself, Jim Nutley, and " Numbski" Shadwick. It is part animanga, part Monty Python, part author insertion, and all silly. Genre: Just plain silly. Status: Incomplete; may be continued someday, but probably not.
Final Embrace: A collaboration between myself and Keener Barnes. A dark story where one of the Ranma 1/2 characters has turned to evil. What will it take before Ranma is able to fight back against the one he loves? Genre: Dark. Status: Complete. (10 kb)
Modern Therapy: This one was written with Megane 6.7. At the insistence of their fathers, Ranma and Akane go for professional help. Is any relationship counselor in Tokyo up to this task? Genre: Comedy. Status: Draft, to be revised when we get around to it. (17 kb)
Kasumi's Syndrome: Kasumi's always kept her affliction secret from those outside her family. But one day, Ranma forgets to pick up her medicine from the drug store, and comedy ensues. A story conceived and started by Matt Posner, which I finished. Genre: Comedy. Status: Draft. (19 kb)
Puppy Love: Co-written with Yoiko. Gary Kleppe, while a positive MASTER in other things, needed help when it came to writing bestiality porn. Why is Akane acting so strange? Could it be that she is trying to disembowel herself after reading this story? Genre: Pukeage. Gary Kleppe likes beasts. Status: Draft. Yeah. That's right. He wanted to refurbish this at some point... (11--->22.9 kb)
Animals Also co-written with Yoiko (the title is a working one). Someone's found an amulet with the power to turn human beings into animals. Genre: Comedy. Status: Draft.
Kleppe's stories suck...BAD...Another project I've been part of is the Ranma Preludes. This is a series of stories showing bits of the history of the various families in the Ranma 1/2 series. I did the one for the Shan family.
The FFIRC is home to many multiple-author projects, most of which I've taken part in:
MSTings are reviews of fanfics in which the reviewer reads the fic and makes clever commentary along with one or more characters. Though obviously inspired by Mystery Science Theater 3000, a MSTing does not necessarily indicate that the story was bad.
My MSTings are a series that I call Shonen Sunday Theater 3000. I review fics along with Hiroshi and Daisuke, the young wise-cracking hormonally-challenged minor characters from Ranma 1/2. So far, I've MSTed the following stories.
In addition to these, I've collaborated on several group MSTings with the FFIRC. I've also helped out with Megane 6.7's Mystery Science Theater 6.7.
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The FFML Map has a new owner, S. Zoogz "I am not SKJAM" Jamison," and
a new home here.
To subscribe to the Fanfiction Mailing List, Click here. When your E-mail program appears, hit the send button. |
For more info on the FFML, check out:
| The Resources Guide |
| The C&C FAQ |
Also not to be missed is the Guide to Writing Really, Really Good Fanfiction, an enlightening document filled with valuable pearls of wisdom. If you feel you're not ready for this one yet, check out this essay on narrative POV.
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Other Crap:The following are stupid emails, broken arguments, and other such useless drivel written by anime fans--all kleppt for your entertainment! Enjoy.
Here is some praise that Gary's stories have gotten, shot down by Team Kleppings:
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Oh, no, we don't have a forum. Why would we want to talk to people who can't write, and want to defend somethng so obviously sinful as anime? Get real. We make fun of forum faggotry!
